I smelt 17 suntan lotions so you don't have to

My arms are as pale as a Victorian child's

If I’m going to be smothering myself with a product multiple times a day on hols, it better be something I absolutely LOVE the smell of. So many times I’ve been disappointed by a suntan lotion that’s been a bit too hospital-hygienic, too herbal, too simple, which hasn’t delivered that hit of lush, tropical vacay wanderlust to warm my bones and make my skin glowy. Sometimes I want a golden, greasy gleam of thick goose-fat-textured Monoi balm. Sometimes I crave something a bit fresher, more lotion-y, more European. But there’s a tipping point. If it becomes too sugary, too silly and pina-colada-vibes, I feel nauseous by my own aura and get fidgety, snappy and annoyed. So investing in the right one is essential to my mood and therefore my family’s happiness, since both are mutually exclusive.