Why we must celebrate teen boy scent-hounds
In the shadow of Adolescence, can we please stop crushing young lads who want to smell great.
I’m at a fragrance launch sitting behind two women in their late twenties - both TikTok perfume influencers - currently having a massive (and very indiscrete) bitch about a 12-year-old boy who uploads fragrance reviews on Instagram.
“Do his parents check his DMs?”
“He’s so basic and just lists the notes from Fragrantica.”
“Who the hell is sending him these £300 bottles?”
“Those PRs are complicit in child exploitation,” one sniggers.
Oh babe. You’ve got this all wrong.
I can see why some content creators might feel pissed off, threatened even, by the rising troupe of teenage ‘fragbros’ dominating TikTok and Insta, seemingly able to afford luxury scents in department stores and being sent expensive samples with zero credentials or brand relationships. But you need to rethink your angle and support this eco-system, because it’s so much more fragile and important than your very obvious insecurities.
Let me tell you what’s happening right now in my eldest daughter’s Year 6 class of pupils aged 10 to 11, so that you can understand why this boy needs our backing.
I’m on the class yearbook team, helping to edit copy and file photos for this end-of-year keepsake, and I’m reading through the “3 words that best describe you” answers.
‘Sigma’.
It’s come up several times on some of the boys’ pages. It’s a slang term for being popular, cool and attractive, but my web search revealed darker, misogynistic connotations within masculinist subcultures hinting towards silent, dominant lone-wolves who hate women. I’m not saying these boys are anything but the decent, fun and kind lads I see in the playground, simply throwing an innocent term around, but can I just check we’ve all watched Adolescence and we are well aware of a generation of young men being manipulated into rejecting and controlling the feminist empowerment narrative? Okay then.
When I asked my daughter whether the more popular and outspoken boys respected the girls in her class, she gave me the most searing side-eye and this uncomfortable insight:
“Mum, are you actually joking?,” she said, deadly serious. “They heckle us. They speak over us. They literally laugh at us. The head of Year 6 came into our class this week and asked one of them what “being a male” meant to him. He said “being a male means you’re stronger than women.” You should have seen all the girls, Mum. We all had our mouths open and cringed, like ‘omg that’s so embarrassing’, and this boy said “What? It’s true. Men are better and stronger than women” as if it was a totally okay thing to say.”
This lad turns eleven next month.
Now, back to our fragrance bros. We need to see this moment with an entirely different perspective to our two event guests. These kids have found something they love and resonate with; they’re engaging with and communicating through fragrance and that is hugely positive in ways far more profound than we think. The world of perfume is a world of self-care; it’s a world of emotionally-driven adornment and an appreciation of artistic creativity. Crucially, wanting to smell good is a sign that you wish to connect on a real human level with other real humans of all genders outside of the digital world. This, all of this, should be celebrated and encouraged in young men.
The sub-context details of their social media content are, actually, insignificant. Who bloody cares how eloquent their language is, or isn’t? They want to tear apart and diss a luxury perfume to get extra likes and fuel more comments? Go for it. They want to ride on the [shudders] #smellmaxing and #beastmode band-wagon to improve their Insta algorithm. I GET IT. And, just fyi, the size or value of a teenager’s perfume collection is not the point, either. It doesn’t matter how he got them or who sent them to him. We need to focus on the fact these kids have found a topic through which they can express themselves in the open, on a public platform, to other boys and girls using safe language that inspires fragrance curiosity and craft appreciation. All good things, don’t you agree?
My friend Suzy Nightingale has written a feature for The Scented Letter exploring the impact of teenage boy perfumistas, and I urge you to read her report in this free downloadable issue: https://perfumesociety.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/SL62.OnlineIssueFINAL.pdf
Every person who works in the perfume industry needs to be on these boys’ side, because it’s about much, much more than the bottle.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the rise of teen boy perfume influencers. Are there any you, or your son, follow and admire? Thank you, as ever, for subscribing.
Fully agree Alice. Any man and even more importantly every boy who ventures into traditionally female territory (fragrance, beauty, etc) should be applauded and celebrated. These are the male role models we need for the next generations.
This is vey apt and timely. So much toxicity around young men right now because that’s what takes hold when you’re an impressionable mind searching for identity. Everyone is prone to it, but young men are especially likely to get sucked into some dark thinking. There is a lack of positivity or a space to just “be” without being critiqued for what kind of “dude” you are, and aggression is often result when intentional guidance and clear acceptance is lacking. We all need “safe” and welcoming spaces. Young men ESPECIALLY. Let’s make the space welcoming and safe especially for young people.
Sure the veterans might wanna scoff or throw a little stink-eye. But remember what it was like to be an adolescent! Remember what little insight you had to anything really, let alone yourself! Accept and guide.
Wonderful piece.